I know mom's say it all the time...but where has time gone? My baby girl is 10 months! That means in two months we will be celebrating her first birthday. I just find it crazy! She is working so hard on crawling right now but is getting no where. She finally decided that she can roll. She has been able to do it for a long time because she always rolls in her crib. She prefers to sleep on her belly even though I always put her on her back. When we would wake her up, she is always on her tummy. Silly thing. But now she is rolling everywhere. She can get up on all fours but can't stay long. I honestly think she would prefer to walk because she loves to stand. She can't stand on her own though yet. If I put her next to something, she will hold on and stand forever. She just can't decide what she wants to do!
My grandma is still here. They moved her to a hospice facility last Wednesday. I visited her then for what I thought might be the last time but she is just hanging on. I went and saw her on Saturday and we were so amazed! When we got there, she greeted us because she was walking down the hallway. Not a sight you see in a hospice facility! She was living in a different time though. She was talking about how she spent the previous night in a hotel and went roller skating all day until we got there. It was so hard not to laugh but it was so nice to see her in a "good place." It didn't last long because she has basically slept ever since. It is almost like it was her last rally.
My mom has been slowly trying to get things arranged so when it does happen, things will be easy. I took on creating a movie of her life from pictures and music. I almost have it done. It has been hard because it brings tears to my eyes to see who she was long ago to the shell she is today. It's mean to say, but that is basically what is left. She used to be laughing, joking, loving, and fun. Now she is just there. Every once in awhile we get a glimpse of her and we cherish those moments.
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Monday, March 21, 2011
Just when you think things are getting better
I swear I started this blog to remember the small things with my kids. However, for the meantime, my grandmother seems to have taken control of it.
Yesterday, I could have sworn we were heading in the right direction. My grandma was more alert. She was joking, the Renal Failure wasn't as bad.
Today, we were hit with the word you never want to hear. Hospice. I just can't believe we are there. She has pneumonia. They are not going to treat it but rather let it take it's course. She also has a b12 deficiency. They could give her a lot of shots to boost that up but she would have to be able to eat a balanced diet to keep it up and she can't and won't do that. Her body is just shutting down. The good thing is we don't have to move her. She gets to go back to her apartment (which is already an assisted living facility) and they will do hospice care there. So now it is just a matter of time. My only hope is she is not in any pain when the time comes.
Gran, I love you with all my heart. I will always remember spending EVERY Saturday night with you. I remember having you, troy, me, as well as a 30 lb dog all in the same bed. And at the time, Troy and I thought that was the greatest thing on earth. I will also remember getting to spend every day with you in the summer. The only thing we would do was swim, lay out at the pool and eat watermelon. We always had a contest to see who would be the tannest by the end of the summer. Bad competition but yet a fond memory. There are so many more, but those are some of the funnest. Love you lots.
Yesterday, I could have sworn we were heading in the right direction. My grandma was more alert. She was joking, the Renal Failure wasn't as bad.
Today, we were hit with the word you never want to hear. Hospice. I just can't believe we are there. She has pneumonia. They are not going to treat it but rather let it take it's course. She also has a b12 deficiency. They could give her a lot of shots to boost that up but she would have to be able to eat a balanced diet to keep it up and she can't and won't do that. Her body is just shutting down. The good thing is we don't have to move her. She gets to go back to her apartment (which is already an assisted living facility) and they will do hospice care there. So now it is just a matter of time. My only hope is she is not in any pain when the time comes.
Gran, I love you with all my heart. I will always remember spending EVERY Saturday night with you. I remember having you, troy, me, as well as a 30 lb dog all in the same bed. And at the time, Troy and I thought that was the greatest thing on earth. I will also remember getting to spend every day with you in the summer. The only thing we would do was swim, lay out at the pool and eat watermelon. We always had a contest to see who would be the tannest by the end of the summer. Bad competition but yet a fond memory. There are so many more, but those are some of the funnest. Love you lots.
Sunday, March 20, 2011
An update...
Yesterday, we all went down to visit my grandma in the hospital. She was not happy to be there. With her Alzheimer's disease, she doesn't understand what's going on. She knows my mom makes a lot of decisions. Therefore, she blames my mom. I think I was getting blamed by some association yesterday. Simply because I'm my mother's daughter. My grandma didn't seem to want to have much to do with me or my family. Unwilling to talk or converse, I took it as a grain of salt knowing it's the disease and not really her.
There is a positive update though. The initial thought as of Friday was that she was in stage 4 Renal Failure. Now they don't think it is to that stage yet. She is in the early stages of it rather than the later. So that is great news. They are trying to get a hold of her eating since she eats nothing all day. So she is the hospital until she is eating a healthier diet. But some not so great news is now she is battling pneumonia. Not what an weak, older woman needs to deal with. So I will just continue to hope and pray that she gets better. Although I wish she didn't have it, I will take early stages of Renal failure over stage 4. We still don't know when she will be released from the hospital but we are hopeful that it will be later this week!
On to Miss Bria. I am amazing how strong she is getting. Just in the last day or so, now she is getting up on all fours and will rock. I think we are still weeks away from crawling but it is a step in the right direction since she wasn't doing ANYTHING for the longest time!
Evan cracks me up. We have been doing P90X lately. Because Ryan does it with his shirt off, Evan thinks it has to be off whenever we do it. He even tries to get me to take mine off...but that isn't happening. :) He gets so excited when we are doing it. He's crazy to like working out! The joys of being 3 1/2.
I hope to continue to have good news as the week progresses!
There is a positive update though. The initial thought as of Friday was that she was in stage 4 Renal Failure. Now they don't think it is to that stage yet. She is in the early stages of it rather than the later. So that is great news. They are trying to get a hold of her eating since she eats nothing all day. So she is the hospital until she is eating a healthier diet. But some not so great news is now she is battling pneumonia. Not what an weak, older woman needs to deal with. So I will just continue to hope and pray that she gets better. Although I wish she didn't have it, I will take early stages of Renal failure over stage 4. We still don't know when she will be released from the hospital but we are hopeful that it will be later this week!
On to Miss Bria. I am amazing how strong she is getting. Just in the last day or so, now she is getting up on all fours and will rock. I think we are still weeks away from crawling but it is a step in the right direction since she wasn't doing ANYTHING for the longest time!
Evan cracks me up. We have been doing P90X lately. Because Ryan does it with his shirt off, Evan thinks it has to be off whenever we do it. He even tries to get me to take mine off...but that isn't happening. :) He gets so excited when we are doing it. He's crazy to like working out! The joys of being 3 1/2.
I hope to continue to have good news as the week progresses!
Friday, March 18, 2011
New to this...
So many people are starting blogs these days, but I'm not quite sure I get it. How is blogging much different than Facebook? Yes, you can write more than your status updates. Other than this, what's different? I remember back in the day (not so long ago) everyone had LiveJournal. That was before Facebook though so it made more sense.
The one thing I do look forward to is writing details down to remember important, fun, funny, exciting, and memorable "small things" in life. Would anyone have any interest in what I have to say? In the end, I am starting this for me. :)
My thoughts for today...very mixed.
One of our "small things" today was Bria actually got up on all fours and stayed there for about 30 seconds. She had gotten up before but immediately went down. So staying up for a longer time was big! I must have really lazy kids. I remember Evan never attempted to crawl until he was 10 months. Bria is right on track with that. We went to the doctor for Bria's 9 month check-up. I was talking to the doctor about this and told her how I thought Bria was lazy. The doctor laughed and said she just thought Bria was content...that's just a nice way of saying she's lazy. :)
On to the sadder news. My grandmother has been battling Alzheimer's for about 2 years now. We moved her to a facility in DSM that specialized in this. She has been doing fine but suddenly in the last six months, she started to slip physically. This is a woman who was slalom water skiing about 5 years ago. Huge difference from then to today. I guess aging is a bi*ch. (Excuse my language). In the last few weeks, anytime my mom took her out of her apartment, my grandmother got shaky and couldn't walk anymore. She would immediately sit down and would break out in a sweat. Monday, my mom took her to the doctor and found out it was the lack of nutrients. (I could have told her that). My grandmother now had to drink 3 ensures a day. They also wanted to see her back on Friday (today) so they could do an ultrasound on her organs. The problem is, my grandma would drink them and immediately get sick from it. Not pleasant. So today, they went to the doctor and did the ultrasound. Long story short, they think because she is not getting the nutrients, she is going into Renal Failure.
The options: Dialysis or kidney transplant. My grandma is a candidate for neither.
So we think it is up to God now.
I have so many mixed emotions about all of this. Growing up, I was SO close to my grandmother. For the longest time I lived four houses away from her. Almost no one gets that benefit. We were like best friends. When her Alzheimer's disease hit, it was almost as if I had lost her then. Today, she isn't who she was five years ago. I feel as if I have already suffered that loss, but I'm going to have to suffer it again. I don't want her to be in any more pain. She is suffering right now. She's so unhappy and doesn't understand nor does she have the capability. She has been admitted to the hospital tonight so we will find out more tomorrow. This will be what the rest of my weekend is consumed by. And I'm OK with that. We don't have a time line or anything. I don't mind giving up my weekend if it means I will get a few last moments with her. You just never know when it will be your last....
The one thing I do look forward to is writing details down to remember important, fun, funny, exciting, and memorable "small things" in life. Would anyone have any interest in what I have to say? In the end, I am starting this for me. :)
My thoughts for today...very mixed.
One of our "small things" today was Bria actually got up on all fours and stayed there for about 30 seconds. She had gotten up before but immediately went down. So staying up for a longer time was big! I must have really lazy kids. I remember Evan never attempted to crawl until he was 10 months. Bria is right on track with that. We went to the doctor for Bria's 9 month check-up. I was talking to the doctor about this and told her how I thought Bria was lazy. The doctor laughed and said she just thought Bria was content...that's just a nice way of saying she's lazy. :)
On to the sadder news. My grandmother has been battling Alzheimer's for about 2 years now. We moved her to a facility in DSM that specialized in this. She has been doing fine but suddenly in the last six months, she started to slip physically. This is a woman who was slalom water skiing about 5 years ago. Huge difference from then to today. I guess aging is a bi*ch. (Excuse my language). In the last few weeks, anytime my mom took her out of her apartment, my grandmother got shaky and couldn't walk anymore. She would immediately sit down and would break out in a sweat. Monday, my mom took her to the doctor and found out it was the lack of nutrients. (I could have told her that). My grandmother now had to drink 3 ensures a day. They also wanted to see her back on Friday (today) so they could do an ultrasound on her organs. The problem is, my grandma would drink them and immediately get sick from it. Not pleasant. So today, they went to the doctor and did the ultrasound. Long story short, they think because she is not getting the nutrients, she is going into Renal Failure.
The options: Dialysis or kidney transplant. My grandma is a candidate for neither.
So we think it is up to God now.
I have so many mixed emotions about all of this. Growing up, I was SO close to my grandmother. For the longest time I lived four houses away from her. Almost no one gets that benefit. We were like best friends. When her Alzheimer's disease hit, it was almost as if I had lost her then. Today, she isn't who she was five years ago. I feel as if I have already suffered that loss, but I'm going to have to suffer it again. I don't want her to be in any more pain. She is suffering right now. She's so unhappy and doesn't understand nor does she have the capability. She has been admitted to the hospital tonight so we will find out more tomorrow. This will be what the rest of my weekend is consumed by. And I'm OK with that. We don't have a time line or anything. I don't mind giving up my weekend if it means I will get a few last moments with her. You just never know when it will be your last....
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